Today I woke up to a vase of 15 flowers..... The note said thanks for putting up with a blooming knucklehead for 15 years. They smell good. I put them on the dining room table.

The two younger kids got up early so they could get school done quickly and play their game again. They played it for 4 hours yesterday before I made them stop. They had a blast. Today I stopped it at 2 hours. I give them an hour apiece and since they are playing doubles, they played for the 2 full hours.

Ethan had a hard time waking up this a.m. I tried to get him up to do his schoolwork so it wouldn't drag out. I had a "nursing home care planning conference" this morning with my mom and nursing home and Mary (grandpa's live in). They call her Mrs. Smith. They never got married. Why do I have such a hard time with that?

Anyway, he is not making any more rehabilitation progress and they say he has reached a plateau. So medicare quit paying and he has to move into the locked alzheimers side of the building.... we took a tour and they all looked like a bunch of discarded old people. The kind that are sitting, staring and drooling. It, once again, was sad. I just can't see him with those people and getting better or thriving. Whatever God. Once again, not my choice, but I am not in charge of the plans.
The steps of a man are ordered by the Lord.

I got up to go for my walk this a.m. and it was raining. :( Maybe I will have to buy myself a rainsuit. I saw some at Sams club the other day.... if they still have giant size available.

Yesterday we took the van to be looked at. It keeps making a funny noise and losing power. I have to stop, turn it off and then back on. The power steering acted up a couple of times too, and I couldn't turn the wheel.
I guess it has to do with a compressor and the air conditioning (which I haven't even been using yet) and is going to cost somewhere around the $800 range to fix. :(
The guy said I can drive it, but when it goes out, it will freeze up and have to be towed from wherever it stops. He gave me his cell # to call in case I need the tow. We will have to save up for a couple of weeks to fix it. Didn't we just pay an arm and leg for Edgey's truck?

Shall I remind myself?... count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." James 1:2-3 ...

I am soooo excited. I just realized I am finished with required school (150 days) for the year! YAY!!! I am not telling the kids. They have been doing such a good job getting things done.
They actually got up early this a.m. to get done because they want to play a playstation game I just got them (The Bible Game). I played for a while last night to see how it was. It was kind of fun, but I got bored pretty fast, so we will see how long they play it. It has bible trivia and challenges that are related to bible stories. My favorite one was "The Red Sea" challenge. You have to run across the Red Sea on the dry land while avoiding the pinching crabs and sea anemone and rocks and if you get too close to the wall of water it sucks you into the water and spits you back out. LOL

We usually do school all through the summer. I am just not as strict about what gets done.

My husband made me coffee this a.m. and left me 15 chocolate kisses in the shape of a 15 because our 15th anniversary is this week. Wasn't that sweet?
Yesterday he left me a gift card with enough to buy 15 vanilla cokes at the QT. It might take me a while to use that one.
Can't wait to see what is for tomorrow. :)

Yesterday I went for a walk around the lake again. It was the first time this spring. What a beautiful day! It was windy and I held Jesse's hand to make sure he didn't blow into the river.... I was teasing him about flying him like a kite. He thought that was funny.
We met my mom and dad there and Elizabeth walked slowly with grandma and Jesse and I walked with grandpa. Ethan took his roller blades and took off... He went around about 3 times.

I didn't notice too much exciting wildlife except a group of birds... my dad said they were Coots. They swim in the water like ducks but they are not ducks. They were acting more like chickens and scratching in the grass. I don't think I have ever seen them before yesterday.

The other thing that I was thankful for were the daffodils coming up!! They were all around the north side of the lake path. I am soooo ready for spring.

We went to Elizabeth's Keepers of the Home group yesterday, in the morning. They learned all about birds and bird feeders. We melted beef fat into suet and all the girls got to take home different kinds of bird seed.

Next month is my turn to hostess and I am going to be doing Sign Language. I took some signing classes in junior high school and also went out with a deaf guy for a while. Oh yeah, and I learned a few things on Sesame street too. :) I don't remember a whole lot of signs but remember some of the important ones; letters, numbers, and few others.....

I went to see my grandpa yesterday and he didn't talk at all. It was very sad. He was slumped over in his wheelchair and slept most of the time. They had taken him to the activity room and they had a program with some guy that came and sang old songs to all the people. Lots of big band and 40's songs. I remembered some of them.... like Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree and Glenn Miller band, Yankee Doodle Dandy, etc. He played a song that my grandparent's used to sing to me... Oh, you beautiful doll, you great big beautiful doll. Let me put my arms about you, I don't want to live without you.... He woke up for just a minute and looked around when I said, Grandpa, You're supposed to be singing this to me.... I can't figure out if he is just giving up or what.

What a weekend. It was very busy at work. I was an hour and 1/2 late getting out of work last night. After work I had to go pick up Jesse from Aunties. Edgey had taken Elizabeth and Ethan to the Superchick concert in Earlham. It was part of Elizabeth's birthday present. She loved it. She knows most of their songs. KJ52 was there and a couple of other bands too.

I rented Waterhorse last night too. I was so wound up from work that I knew I wasn't going to be able to sleep so I watched it. It was a cute movie. Edgey will be watching it with the kids tonight.

My kids are squirrelly today and I am about ready to pull out my hair. It is too early in the a.m. for this! They are whining about not having pencil lead and not wanting to use a regular pencil. Where did that come from??? I think that is called spoiled brat and unthankful..... hmmmm
They only want to play with the dogs and not do schoolwork.....

Ethan keeps whistling and Jesse keeps making mouth noises.... boys

God, I need some help here.

I just have to start out by saying God is Faithful.....
If you notice my last post, I had been crying and grieving for my grandpa and his salvation and feeling guilt, etc...
My mom and dad came to see me yesterday and had good news. They had been to the nursing home to see my grandpa. The story goes: They wheeled him in his chair to some church & song service on Sunday night. Some guy names "Payne" was all he could remember. He wanted to know if my mom and dad had ever heard of him.... some reformed church. Anyway, grandpa actually listened to him.... more like he actually "heard" him.
As soon as he started talking about church, my dad went over and sat close to him. He grabbed my grandpa's arm and told him that Jesus loves him and died for him. My grandpa said, "He didn't die for me." My dad said, "Oh, yes he did." and asked him if he wanted to say the sinners prayer. He actually did it! after all these years......... I cry every time I think about it. Grandpa even told my dad that he was walking in the hall with my dad and Jesus the night before. Wow. Whatever works. I am just amazed... although I shouldn't be..... because for me, this is an unbelievable miracle. How many years have we prayed for him? Since his mind was going, I was praying for God to make him a new creation with a new mind and a new heart, etc... to put people in his path to lead him to Jesus..... God is faithful.

Today is supposed to be nice outside. I think I need some sunshine. I have been weepy this a.m. I woke up early to use the bathroom and couldn't go back to sleep, so I have been up baking for my little party tonight.
So what is wrong with me? I was having a dream about my grandpa back at the farm and I wanted him to fix my car (one I have never owned or seen) and he couldn't get it fixed.
I guess what you have to understand is that my grandpa was like a dad to me. He taught me how to play checkers, to drive a car when I was about Elizabeth's age - I would sit on his lap and steer while I drove with him to different towns for his job (before car seats and seat belts), to take care of the farm animals, to shoot a gun, to drive a stick shift, to check my oil and car fluids, to operate a riding lawn mower, how to ride a horse...... etc. I tried to spend every minute I could with my grandpa. I was his little princess. He took me out to a restaurant practically every weekend. On valentines day I always got a corsage to wear. He bought me my first ring and my first pair of diamond earrings. He paid for my braces in high school and helped pay for my college, bought me my first car and worked on it all of the time.
I owe most of what I am today because of this man.

It is killing me that he has to be in a nursing home. I went to see him yesterday with the kids and he would hardly talk.
So I guess I have started my grieving process and I have been crying on and off since last night when I was driving alone.
When my grandma (his wife) was dying, I did the same thing. I know God was preparing me for her passing. So that makes me cry even more, because she at least believed in God. My grandpa blames God if not denies him.
How do you explain to your kids that only God knows if grandpa is in heaven or hell? Many times I have tried to talk to him about God and why he doesn't believe....
One little glimmer of hope a couple of weeks ago, he was talking about his sisters that died. One was only about 20 when she died. She used to play hymns on their piano or organ and he actually remembered some of the words to the song she played. It was an old hymn.
He was also talking about how the oldest sister who died a few years ago; He didn't understand why she was ok and at peace about dying (she was saved). He is definitely not at peace, but he won't listen about God long enough to find peace.
He used to go to church and be a member of the methodist church.... but he became bitter because he was the treasurer and had to keep sending most of the money received in offerings to the main headquarters instead of being able to use it to help the people at the church who really needed it. He still gets angry when he talks about it.

My aunt decided to stay until Monday to see how he progresses.

Kids are waking up. I guess I better get ready for school.

Edgey took Elizabeth out for breakfast this morning for her birthday. They had coffee and bagels. Then she came back and opened her birthday presents. I got her a mini american girl doll and book set and an american girl paperdoll/magnetic doll set. She has been asking for them for a long time. She was very excited and playing with them until I made her do school.
I am so mean. Not even a day off for her birthday. :)
Today is her last 2 pages of her 2nd grade reading book and workbooks and she will be on to the 3rd grade. She is happy about that too. I can't decide whether to keep her going on the same series or let her read some other books and let Jesse catch up to her. He is on the 1st second grade book. He keeps taunting her, "I'm catching up with you."
I think she might enjoy some other things like the American Girls series, Little House series and maybe some other history books. I might enjoy some other things too.... I haven't gotten to do much girl stuff yet.

My daughter's birthday is tomorrow. She can't quit talking about it. She wants butterflies at her party which no one knows if we are even having one, depending on my grandpa. I suppose I will just have family come over here on Saturday for cake and ice cream... or leftover desserts if I don't have too many people coming for my jewelry party on Friday evening.
I have not had many RSVP's.... so I am hoping a few more show up. Oh well. It will be good fellowship anyway. :)

My Aunt had put in applications to several nursing homes and finally decided on one about 2 blocks away from me..... north of the bulldog track field. I guess that is ok. I feel bad that he needs to go into a place like that and I can't just take care of him. But, I am not in charge of the deal. I keep thinking... reap what you sow. My mother is already getting sort of "lost" sometimes. I guess I mean mentally. She forgets what she is doing or talking about and can't make decisions... the decision part is nothing new, but the other stuff is disturbing. The older folks in our families have always been pretty sharp on their toes till they go. My great grandmother always did crossword puzzles every day to keep her mind sharp. If you don't use it you lose it. I think of it like a foreign language. I had 4 years of French. I have dreams in French and understand all of the words, but to actually speak it... It would be like pulling money out of you know where. Weird huh?

So, if grandpa pulls out of it a bit, he will be going to that nursing home. It is also a an "alzheimer's" facility. I think Ethan could probably ride his bike over there and visit grandpa. My grandpa really loves Ethan. Hopefully he won't forget who he is. He already calls me his daughters' names. He will probably call Elizabeth by my name. :(

We are almost done with school. The kids all got up early this a.m. by themselves. It is nice to have it done and out of the way. Then I may take them to go visit grandpa. My mom was bored at the hospital yesterday and begging me to come up there.

Another dusting of snow this morning. April fools on us. Supposed to be spring. This is the day the Lord has set before me.... I will rejoice and be glad! I am going to have to repeat that one a few times to get it in my spirit.

My grandpa is still in the hospital. My aunt who was visiting from California decided to stay another week to see what will happen. They are not sure if he will snap out of it this time or not. He may end up in the nursing home if cannot stand by himself. He keeps trying, but is not doing very well. Extremely unstable.
To top it off, his "girlfriend" who has been living with him for more than 13 years, fell too. My aunt took her to the hospital to find out if she had a stroke, but they could find nothing wrong with her. She is more unstable than my grandpa.


I have been thinking a little bit about trying to do a small garden this year. I ran across an article this a.m. that talked about growing potatoes in a garbage bag. I might actually try it! It might be a bit unsightly but it sounds very easy and at least I know where they are coming from.
I think I want to do tomatoes too. I'm not sure what else I want to plant yet. I need things that are not going to take up a huge amount of time. Hopefully I can get past my childhood memories of being forced to pick green beans and weed the garden with no help....then getting yelled at when we didn't get everything to perfection.... :(