Today is supposed to be nice outside. I think I need some sunshine. I have been weepy this a.m. I woke up early to use the bathroom and couldn't go back to sleep, so I have been up baking for my little party tonight.
So what is wrong with me? I was having a dream about my grandpa back at the farm and I wanted him to fix my car (one I have never owned or seen) and he couldn't get it fixed.
I guess what you have to understand is that my grandpa was like a dad to me. He taught me how to play checkers, to drive a car when I was about Elizabeth's age - I would sit on his lap and steer while I drove with him to different towns for his job (before car seats and seat belts), to take care of the farm animals, to shoot a gun, to drive a stick shift, to check my oil and car fluids, to operate a riding lawn mower, how to ride a horse...... etc. I tried to spend every minute I could with my grandpa. I was his little princess. He took me out to a restaurant practically every weekend. On valentines day I always got a corsage to wear. He bought me my first ring and my first pair of diamond earrings. He paid for my braces in high school and helped pay for my college, bought me my first car and worked on it all of the time.
I owe most of what I am today because of this man.
It is killing me that he has to be in a nursing home. I went to see him yesterday with the kids and he would hardly talk.
So I guess I have started my grieving process and I have been crying on and off since last night when I was driving alone.
When my grandma (his wife) was dying, I did the same thing. I know God was preparing me for her passing. So that makes me cry even more, because she at least believed in God. My grandpa blames God if not denies him.
How do you explain to your kids that only God knows if grandpa is in heaven or hell? Many times I have tried to talk to him about God and why he doesn't believe....
One little glimmer of hope a couple of weeks ago, he was talking about his sisters that died. One was only about 20 when she died. She used to play hymns on their piano or organ and he actually remembered some of the words to the song she played. It was an old hymn.
He was also talking about how the oldest sister who died a few years ago; He didn't understand why she was ok and at peace about dying (she was saved). He is definitely not at peace, but he won't listen about God long enough to find peace.
He used to go to church and be a member of the methodist church.... but he became bitter because he was the treasurer and had to keep sending most of the money received in offerings to the main headquarters instead of being able to use it to help the people at the church who really needed it. He still gets angry when he talks about it.
My aunt decided to stay until Monday to see how he progresses.
Kids are waking up. I guess I better get ready for school.
So what is wrong with me? I was having a dream about my grandpa back at the farm and I wanted him to fix my car (one I have never owned or seen) and he couldn't get it fixed.
I guess what you have to understand is that my grandpa was like a dad to me. He taught me how to play checkers, to drive a car when I was about Elizabeth's age - I would sit on his lap and steer while I drove with him to different towns for his job (before car seats and seat belts), to take care of the farm animals, to shoot a gun, to drive a stick shift, to check my oil and car fluids, to operate a riding lawn mower, how to ride a horse...... etc. I tried to spend every minute I could with my grandpa. I was his little princess. He took me out to a restaurant practically every weekend. On valentines day I always got a corsage to wear. He bought me my first ring and my first pair of diamond earrings. He paid for my braces in high school and helped pay for my college, bought me my first car and worked on it all of the time.
I owe most of what I am today because of this man.
It is killing me that he has to be in a nursing home. I went to see him yesterday with the kids and he would hardly talk.
So I guess I have started my grieving process and I have been crying on and off since last night when I was driving alone.
When my grandma (his wife) was dying, I did the same thing. I know God was preparing me for her passing. So that makes me cry even more, because she at least believed in God. My grandpa blames God if not denies him.
How do you explain to your kids that only God knows if grandpa is in heaven or hell? Many times I have tried to talk to him about God and why he doesn't believe....
One little glimmer of hope a couple of weeks ago, he was talking about his sisters that died. One was only about 20 when she died. She used to play hymns on their piano or organ and he actually remembered some of the words to the song she played. It was an old hymn.
He was also talking about how the oldest sister who died a few years ago; He didn't understand why she was ok and at peace about dying (she was saved). He is definitely not at peace, but he won't listen about God long enough to find peace.
He used to go to church and be a member of the methodist church.... but he became bitter because he was the treasurer and had to keep sending most of the money received in offerings to the main headquarters instead of being able to use it to help the people at the church who really needed it. He still gets angry when he talks about it.
My aunt decided to stay until Monday to see how he progresses.
Kids are waking up. I guess I better get ready for school.
posted by Mrs Edgey at 4/04/2008 07:13:00 AM
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